If someone told me life would be this alternately pleasant and terribly awful, I would have elected to stay a thought. I think there is something to suffering that can bring development and improvement, but I also think sorrow if something so inevitable as to be a promised torture on even the least of us, and that is a cruel trap.

I wonder if I will have the forethought to ensure that these posts are not just miserable diatribes from me, but instead something constructive and enriching for others. I want so much to be a shine fun and joyous encouragement to people. I want to creat something that is bigger than me.
I am listening to the A*Teens Teen Spirit album, praying I experience a summer and spring like that this yaer. I need to know that kind of joy exists. Know it in my bones,

I need an early 2000s no bills & a hoot body summer with great hair, a crew of guys and gals, and we’re just enjoying music. I’ve experienced it 1ce. I need more. this year has to be different. Was I stupid for believing for so many years? I’m not sure I wasn’t acting like a cult devotee. Sigh. Oh well.